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I've been through the dating mill myself as an older divorcee, and I do think most women are their own worst enemies. They won't join a dating site because they don't want to "look desperate" - yet when they go on a date, they immediately ACT desperate. The fastest way to kill a potential romance is to expect to make a decision on the first date.
The great thing is, you've already got something to talk about if she does let you take her out. Most women don't actually want to be bothered with pick-up lines and aggressive flirtation when we're just going about our day-to-day business. It conflicts with the narrative propagated by movies and romantic novels, but it really is best not to bother that girl in the subway clearly submerged in a book, or the flustered student searching for ripe avocados in the supermarket. Ditto hollering at women on the street - collectively, we're much more aware these days that this counts as street harassment rather than harmless flirtingso if you really must approach a woman you see out in public, be extra deferential and polite, and absolutely respect her right to tell you she's in the middle of something and keep walking.